Is your spouse/mate or anybody close to you a strong (fearful) “cautious” analyzer? Are you mindful of the true motivations behind what he or she says and does? Does it create discord when you misunderstand his or her true intentions? If so, maybe this pearl can help you to better understand their motivations so that you can coexist more harmoniously.
Part-4 of this mindfulness pearl series will use the “Genetic Human Personality Tool” to focus on how we misinterpret the motivations of strong analyzers. The purpose of this pearl is to help you understand them, not make excuses for why they act the way they do. If fear is your major emotion than you are a strong analyzer.
Something to keep in mind: When I use the term “strong…” I am referring to someone who is strongest in that style (and its strong emotion) and uses them inappropriately much of the time. We all have strong moderate and weak emotions/rational styles, but even if we are very strong in one style it doesn’t mean that we react that way all of the time. Unfortunately, when distressed we do overuse our strongest style/emotion and way of thinking, which this pearl series may help you to better understand.
How we THINK when using our Analyzer Style:
Strong analyzers are misunderstood much of the time because they are overly concerned with danger/risk and details. The attitudes that best describe them are: cautious, conventional, diligent, disciplined, introspective, methodical, preparative, reserved, respectful, self-conscious, self-controlled, shy, tedious, thrifty, and touchy. The Analyzer Style’s Genetic Attributes are:
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Task-Oriented: Tasks are more important than people
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Symbiotic emotion: Fear (whose survival purpose is: to alert us to danger or risk)
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Style’s purpose: to cautiously proceed
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Motivations: 1) To avoid loss or pain 2) To do what I’m obligated to do 3) To distrust new situations
Emotionally Heightened Analyzer Reactions
DANGER: Whether you are strong, moderate or weak in the fearful/analyzer style, you will think and react the same as anybody perceiving fear and reacting with their analyzer memories. You have no choice since fear is wired into your left amygdala that triggers your left frontal cortex analyzer memories. When you sense something that triggers your fear (a possible danger), the amygdala wipes the prefrontal cortex (PFC) clean so that the analyzer memories also triggered by those sensory memories can decipher the source of that fear and deal with it.
RISK: Strong analyzers seem to fear most anything, fearing situations that most of us would consider harmless. Rationalization that fear by dwelling on related fearful analyzer memories prolongs it. But even the strongest analyzer can’t deal with a constant flow of norepinephrine (the fear neurotransmitter) in their brain; it would literally paralyze them (catatonia). Strong analyzers do though interpret too many situations as risky, producing mild fear and a smaller surge of norepinephrine in the brain. Strong analyzers react to risky situations in the same manner as they do to dangerous situations, but are more rationally in control of that fear and can quell it sooner. It you are dealing with an analyzer that is being controlled by their fear, ask them “what are you afraid of”, which might cause them to mentally and/or physically run away—it’s their method of physical survival. Just be mindful of their fear and try to distract them from it—refer to the pearl “Dealing with Extreme Emotions, Part-III, Fear & Terror” for a proven way to deal with an analyzer who is being controlled by their fear/terror.
FEAR CAN CONTROL A STRONG ANALYZERS LIFE: Strong analyzers (especially those who are weak socializers) find most anything dangerous or at least risky—it tends to control their lives. Strong analyzers that already known that a situation is dangerous/risky can rationally deal with it. But a new danger or risk will cause them to avoid that situation, since their rationalization of similar experiences doesn’t allow their PFC to rationally decide whether it is dangerous/risky or not. This is why strong analyzers need to be snapped out of the grip of fear so that they don’t miss out on life. When you are with a fearful analyzer and they are afraid to do what you (and probably they) might want to do, just ask them: “What are you afraid of.” This can help their PFC to regain control and address the situation in a less fearful, yet cautious, manner. This technique is similar to snapping a strong director out of being controlled by their anger as mentioned in a previous pearl.
WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: Extremely strong, distressed analyzers (especially when they are weak socializers) are very difficult to be around; it’s like walking on eggshells and trying not to break any. They become very touchy when their fear triggers their negative emotional memories, making them take offense at most anything you say or do—they can make biting or sardonic comments in their defense (if not weak in the socializer style). The best way to help them get past their touchiness is to understand what is causing it, which is not always possible. It also helps to lighten up the situation by making it less serious. If you live or work with an overly sensitive analyzer don’t just walk away from him or her when they are very touchy; instead, tell them that they are negatively affecting those around them and that they must get control of their fears if they want acquaintances to interact with them.
CRITICAL OF OTHERS: Strong analyzers don’t like being criticized, but they don’t have a problem criticizing others. They don’t usually criticize someone to their face—they gossip behind their backs, except for family members that they confront openly. Their criticisms come in the form of statements and body language that makes others wrong; for example, riding next to a driver and ducking every time the car doesn’t go in a straight line—every fearful analyzer has his or her own personal criticisms. Fortunately, unlike from strong directors, their criticism isn’t an attack; it is their way of telling you that you are doing something that doesn’t fit into their way of thinking. Strong analyzers feel that when something isn’t done their way that it is incorrect—they find it difficult to accept the fact that others have their own way of doing things and that neither way is right or wrong, just different. So, how do we get through their critical nature—is that even possible? As a strong director, when I am overly criticized, I just tell them, “Who are you kidding; you’re the most condescending person I ever met”—it isn’t very nice, but it does cut down the criticisms a lot.
NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL ENERGY: Just like strong angry directors, strong fearful analyzers emit negative emotional energy. But unlike a strong director’s conspicuous energy, an analyzer’s negative emotional energy is rarely detectable—except by that analyzer. This can cause strife when the strong analyzer has a strong director mate and falsely accuses the strong director of being angry—it confronts the non-angry director making them angry. So, if you are a strong fearful analyzer, consider the source the next time you feel negative “vibes”—they’re probably yours. A hint; if the vibes are not strong they are coming from you and if they are very strong they are coming from a strong director.
Genetically Heightened, Rational Analyzer Reactions
TASK/DETAIL PREOCCUPIED: Strong analyzers, like strong directors, are very task-oriented, but unlike strong directors who want to get a task done now, strong analyzers want to get the task done right, no matter how long it takes. There motto is: “every task is a work in progress” that progresses slowly. Of course, when doing repetitive tasks, strong analyzers are quick to complete them; it’s just with new tasks that they move at a snail’s pace. The problem is in the details; strong analyzers think that they need to know all of the details to complete a new task, instead of prioritizing those details and moving on.
Strong analyzers are slow to learn new habits—and everything is essentially a habit or routine for them. I have found that it takes about six months for a strong analyzer to create new permanent memories to change a daily habit or routine. This 6-month delay can be very frustrating to strong directors or socializers who want immediate change—one key to accelerating that change is an emotion. If a strong analyzer needs to change an inappropriate habit/routine when emotions are not involved, it takes a long time. But, if there is fear (danger) attached to not changing that inappropriate habit/routine, then they can change quickly. Frankly, the best approach is not to instill fear for not changing, but to help them realize why not changing is inappropriate. Ask them why they can’t change; this will hopefully remove their rationalization against change and help them to decide that change is necessary. Along the way, should they regress, remind them of why that change is necessary—everything takes time with strong analyzers.
SPEAKING OF TIME: We all, no matter what our strongest style, dwell on the past, present and future, but each style is different. Strong analyzers dwell mostly on proceeding cautiously in the present to avoid problems in the future. But being a detailed left-brain thinker they also dwell on the past, mostly about what to avoid. Strong analyzers are also interested in the near future, which is why they plan on doing things with the least amount of risk, typically according to a prepared written list.
PRIVACY: Strong analyzers are private people who avoid crowds and being noticed when NOT with family and friends. They prefer doing a task, such as reading, fishing, etc., to being with people they don’t know well. When there is a choice to either be alone with an acquaintance or being in a group they shun the group unless it is important to attend (work, etc.). The best way to approach a fearful private analyzer is to not suggest partaking in a group function but instead suggest doing something together that you both enjoy. In the extreme, if a strong analyzer does not require others to exist they can become a recluse/hermit, shunning most everybody. A strong analyzer’s distrust of anything new or unknown reduces any desire to become involved in it—and their indecisiveness doesn’t help.
INDECISIVENESS: Strong analyzers are indecisive when a decision is needed that is not a part of their usual routine. They are decisive about known situations, but fear being decisive about anything new. They fear that they may be wrong or look foolish or make a mistake because they don’t have enough of the details to decide—and they never have enough detail about anything new so no decision is made. So the next time you ask a strong analyzer to make a choice, first tell him or her what you think is the best choice and then ask them whether they agree. If so, fine. If not, be open to why it isn’t the best choice for them and be prepared to positively deal with whatever the choice is.
PACE: Every rational style has its own “pace” and way of thinking. Strong left-brain analyzers can be either fast (see-it-in-writing) or very slow (kinesthetic: indefinite generalized body feelings). Fast-paced visual analyzers do their recurrent tasks quickly—they read a great deal, preferring their “facts” in writing. Slow-paced kinesthetic analyzers do everything (move, talk, etc.) very slowly; waiting for their “body-feelings” to allow them to proceed, which irks impatient, fast-paced directors and socializers.
Kinesthetic analyzers are not always slow-paced; they oscillate between being fast-paced readers and slow-paced kinesthetics—a mindset that is difficult for them to break out of. When trying to converse with a kinesthetic analyzer in order to move on, try the following: face them, close your eyes and snore very loud, which usually makes them laugh and breaks them out of their kinesthetic state—I find this very effective.
FRUGALITY: Analyzers are frugal by nature and are motivated to save money, while strong directors are motivated to spend it on what gets things done and strong socializers are motivated by what makes them happy. This is the main cause of many family arguments, especially when income is tight. So, the next time you get a joyful surge to purchase something and your strong analyzer mate thinks that it costs too much; realize that their motivation is not to kill your joy, but to make you aware that maybe something less expensive will do. If you pause for a moment and let your joy subside a little, you might realize that it really wasn’t that important to have—doing this eventually makes you more frugal.
Nurtured, Rational Analyzer Reactions
GUILT: If your analyzer mate is guilt-ridden because of her/his religious or belittling upbringing he/she tends to blame themselves for negative situations. Also, strong analyzers might distrust new situations for fear that they may do something wrong. Their erroneous guilt can cause many negative situations, but instead of you getting upset, try to allay their guilt. The best way for you to deal with their guilt is to help them realizes that everything is all right and that there is no problem and no one is to blame. It also helps if you immediately take responsibility for anything untoward or misunderstood by you.
SELF IMAGE: Strong fearful analyzers tend to appear self-deprecating, even if they have a good self-image, because they feel uncomfortable making a decisive statement for fear of being incorrect. But if your analyzer mate has a poor self-image from unaffectionate, cold, unloving family, they will doubt their abilities and avoid any situation that tests them. This can make you assume that they don’t want what you want, when in reality they are just trying to avoid a risky situation. It is best for you to simply realize that they have a poor self image and to support them by appreciating their needs and opinions and momentarily forgetting about your own—try using your relator style to better understand and support them.
VANITY: Everybody is vain and thinks that they are the center of the universe—it‘s a survival instinct. Unfortunately, because strong analyzers cautiously consider all of the details they think that their opinions are right and that others are wrong—this can be very frustrating for others who have a different opinion. If this becomes a problem, just rationally (not emotionally) discuss the details of both opinions and gain each other’s wisdom.
NEGATIVE and POSITIVE MEMORIES: The more powerful positive memories you share with your analyzer mate the more you will correctly interpret each other’s motivations, because you will both revert to similar positive relator memories when you do. It will also give you a higher probability of sharing “bonding love” (an oxytocin surge). The more powerful negative memories you share with your analyzer mate the more you will misinterpret each other’s motivations, because the stress will cause you to only react with your strongest style’s emotion, motivations and memories. When those negative thoughts arise in your brain, dispel them immediately (tell your brain to “shut up”) and then bring up a positive memory that triggers joyful love for both of you—this almost always works if you are not distressed.
OPPOSITES ATTRACT: We are attracted to people opposite to us because we admire their strength in the things that we are weak in. Unfortunately this is why too many strong analyzer and strong socializer relationships eventually fail. The strong fearful analyzer wants to run away and the strong joyful socializer wants to see what else is “out there”. This is unlike a strong director and strong relator relationship where the strong relator tries to maintain the relationship. As you can see, an analyzer style’s genetic attributes above are totally opposite to the socializer, which helps to balance them out. Since each of the four styles has specific attributes that govern our reactions when using that style, it is helpful to review the Socializer Style’s Genetic Attributes:
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People-Oriented: People are more important than tasks
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Symbiotic emotion: Joy (whose survival purpose is: to alert us to a possible connection)
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Style’s purpose: to embrace positive connections and avoid negative connections
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Motivations: 1) To pursue pleasure and gain 2) To be unconstrained 3) To trust new situations
Again, that opposite attraction comes at a cost with the natural irritation of being with someone who doesn’t represent your way of thinking, especially when distressed. To deal with this, spend little time together when distressed and be mindful of each other’s true motivations. You are together because it brings you joyful love, so appreciate and rely on your differences, which makes you an effective team and don’t sweat the small stuff—and almost everything else is the small stuff.
Bottom Line for ANALYZER Mindfulness:
If you COEXIST with a strong analyzer:
Try to understand why they react the way they do as indicated here and try NOT to think the worse of them.
If you ARE a strong analyzer:
Try to understand why you react the way you do.
Try to ignore your fear of most everything—keep telling yourself: “Shut up fear, everything is OK!”
Try to look at what’s right with a situation instead of what’s wrong with it—it will increase your positive joy.
Realize that just because you have an opinion, it doesn’t make it a fact; it just makes it your opinion.
Realize that others are not interested in all of your details—T.M.I.
Don’t be afraid to take a chance on something new—spice up your life
Don’t think that just because you feel negative emotional energy that others are emanating it—it’s probably you emanating it which others can’t detect.
I hope that this pearl helped you to better understand the motivations of strong analyzers and will promote more harmony in your relationship with them. The next pearl in this series will deal with “Understanding Strong Socializers”.
