Allowing more Love in your Life


Monday, 11 December 2017 16:13
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Do you experience the healthy, wonderful feeling of love daily?  Or does your fear, anger or opinions get in the way?  Would you like to experience more love each day?  If so, maybe this pearl can help.

 

There are as many definitions of “love” as there are people to define it—but definitions of love are not as important as the feeling of love, which comes from our emotional energy.  The fact is, we transmit and receive emotional energy to and from others, which is either negative (from our fear and anger) or positive (from our joy).  Joy is the instantaneous adrenalin rush we feel in our heart when we physically recognized (see, hear, etc.) a connection (family, friends, pets, possessions, etc.)—and, the closer we are to that connection the greater our joy and positive emotional energy.

 

Unfortunately, the positive emotional energy we transmit is not necessarily received.  There are two types of love: one-way love (our positive emotional energy is transmitted, but not received) and two-way love (we simultaneously transmit and receive it from others).  As wonderful as the feeling is for us transmitting our one-way love, it is not necessarily the same for the other person no matter how much we truly believe in and say, “I love you”—resulting in the usual response, “I love you, too”.  The other person’s “I love you, too” response can also be an expression of their love for us, but we don’t feel it from them because we are not receiving it.  Joy is a one-way expression of the love we feel from an adrenalin rush in our heart.  Bonding is another one-way expression of the love we feel from an oxytocin rush in our brain; again, the positive emotional energy from bonding is transmitted but not received.

 

In two-way love, ours and the other person’s positive emotional energy are transmitted and received simultaneously amplifying the oxytocin rush—it is quite wonderful.  This is how we can tell the difference between one-way love and two-way love; two-way love is a much more intense feeling of love.  So, how can you experience more two-way love daily?

1) By sustaining an impromptu oxytocin rush (bonding).

2) By purposefully bonding with others, thus causing an impromptu oxytocin rush.

 

Impromptu bonding occurs when you and another person simultaneously have the same positive thought.  You know what I mean; he/she says something just as you were about to say it, automatically bonding you and releasing oxytocin into both of your brains.  It is a wonderful moment that is instantly dissipated as less positive opinions quickly enter your minds.  But with practice you can learn to dwell on that positive moment by ignoring your contrary opinions or "instantly agree" (see below).  But as wonderful as this is, it is difficult to count on sporadic impromptu bonding for your daily dosage of love—this is where purposeful bonding comes in.

 

Purposefully bonding requires that you become a part of the moment, especially when it involves a topic that you have contrary opinions about.  If you try to see their point of view or to dwell on the positive aspects (that which you agree with) of their discussion, you can purposefully bond with them.  At first this is mostly one-way bonding—which is better than nothing.  Fortunately, this allows you to feel more comfortable with their point of view, which can lead to impromptu bonding, since you are both talking about the same kinds of things and your thoughts will simultaneously overlap.

 

You can also create purposeful bonding by genuinely, "instantly agreeing" with someone's statement.  Just allow yourself to see something positive about their statement—nothing negative—at first, it is difficult to do, but eventually it creates a positive state of mind that promotes impromptu bonding.  It also allows others to feel more comfortable with you, since you instantly agree with them, opening them up to instantly agreeing with you and allowing for even more impromptu bonding.

 

The more positive you are about the opinions held by others in your life, the more opportunities you will have to share two-way love.  If you have too many differing opinions with them, you need to dwell on the positive aspects of their statement and don't let your contrary opinions enter your mind.  This is difficult for fault-finding analyzers and directors, but it can be done; I’m proof of that.  And the more you relax your contrary opinions and value their opinions the easier it will be to accept their opinions (but not necessarily change yours), allowing for more loving/bonding moments.  And a funny thing happens in time when you give their opinions value; it allows you to be open-minded enough to actually see their point of view—which can be opinion-changing—and your reward is more and more loving/bonding moments in your day.  It also allows them to be more open-minded about your opinions.

 

In the past, my contrary opinions would automatically destroy my loving/bonding moments, but not so much any more, making me feel more two-way love for my wife, children and friends than I have ever felt before—I only wish I had learned this sooner.

 

If you want to learn more about your interactions with others, refer to "Personality Finesse...how we nurture our nature".

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