Do you think that your opinions are factual that others should embrace? Do you think that opposing opinions are false and should be ignored or hated? Are your false opinions making your life negative? If so, you might want to ponder the opinions in this pearl.
Considerations and Definitions:
Opinions are memories of our experiences, nothing more and nothing less. Humans are socially interactive people who love to express their opinions, whether factual or not. People are influenced by our words, which either encourages or discourages them from listening to us. In this discussion will use non-offending words for facts and lies and it seems that “accurate” and “mistaken” might be the most appropriate. But, a fact is a fact and anything to the contrary is mistaken and we should all try to discover the facts—if not, why discuss anything except to draw attention to ourselves or pass the time.
Opinion: A confident conclusion not totally supported by factual knowledge and…
…experiential memories of decisions we made on a subject
Belief: An opinion that a group of people accept as true
Fact: Knowledge that has an objectively real demonstrable existence and reoccurrence
Truth: A statement proven to be or accepted as fact
Lie: A false statement deliberately presented as being true
Falsehood: Lack of conformity to truth or fact; inaccurate
Accurate: Conforming exactly to fact, errorless
Mistaken: To not perceive nor comprehend the nature or significance of something
Every Opinion is BOTH Accurate and Mistaken:
All of our memories are just opinions, which are part factual and part misunderstood. Our opinions can range from 100% accurate (a absolute fact) to 100% mistaken (totally false). Opinions are flexible, depending on how much we need rely on them to emotionally or socially survive. The diagram below indicates the possible accuracy range of our opinions and why.
NOTE: The more accurate our opinions become the greater our wisdom will be (refer to the pearl “Your Knowledge, Intelligence and Wisdom). Wisdom is something we all should aspire to, to have a more fulfilling and positive life, since being mistaken tends to create negativity and divide us.
Increasing the Accuracy of your Opinions:
At this point you are probably asking yourself: “that’s all fine and good, but how do I know whether my opinions or the opinions of others are accurate?” You don’t know, although you can increase your knowledge on the subject from reputable sources (sometimes difficult to find), but also from listening to others with different opinions (usually easy to find). The fact is that you already know the accuracy of many of your opinions since you measure them against the opinions of others and find yours more or less accurate, prompting you to modify it. If you have no doubts about your opinion on a subject, its accuracy will never improve, if not become more misunderstood. Also, communicating with like minds on a subject will not improve your accurate understanding, because you already know what they know—your opinion needs to be challenged to make it more accurate.
Doubting your opinion is the first step toward improving its accuracy. At first you will probably reject the opposite opinion of other’s, but unless you open your mind to those contrary opinions you won’t know how accurate yours opinion is and won’t be able to improve its accuracy
Important: Doubting your opinions does not reduce your positive self-image; it expands your knowledge, which increases your positive self-image and it might even reduce whatever negative self-image you may have about yourself on a subject.
Productive Arguments:
An argument [a discussions between people with opposing opinions] can be informative or it can be destructive, depending on whether we stay calm or become angry or fearful. An argument is informative when we calmly allow ourselves to have an open mind and see the value in the opinions of others. This usually occurs when we use our relator style, thinking that: 1) Only other’s opinions matter, 2) Only other’s needs matter and, 3) Only other’s decisions matter. An argument can also be informative when using our analyzer style, which motivates us to seek out the facts, although it is resistant to change. Our socializer style helps us to agree with others and is easily distracted from a destructive argument.
An argument is destructive when we become angry, motivating us to think with our director style, thinking that: 1) Only my opinions matter, 2) Only my needs matter, and, 3) Only my decisions matter. Thus, it is best to avoid using the director style to find the value in other’s opinions, especially antithetical opinions. Unfortunately, if you are a strong director and weak relator accepting other’s opinions may seem almost impossible. But, there is a way; just “Step Outside Yourself” and actually listen to their contrary opinions instead of rudely dismissing them.
To “Step Outside Yourself” during an Argument (discussion):
1) Take a deep breath and clear your mind of pressing issues.
2) Ignore your opinions and focus on what they are saying, no matter how long it takes.
3) Don’t be judgmental (stay outside of yourself) and just listen.
4) Ask them for the basis for that opinion.
5) Give your opinion if asked and show the similarities with their opinion.
6) Continue the discussion if fruitful.
7) Include their facts in your opinions, but not their misunderstandings if possible.
The purpose of this exercise is to make your opinions more accurate, ignoring falsehoods that make it less accurate. But don’t forget, just because it is your opinion it doesn’t automatically make it accurate! After this experience, give your opinion a percent accuracy—refer to the accuracy table above.
1) If you become aware of new facts, your opinions will become more accurate.
2) If you become aware of new facts that you ignore, your opinions will NOT become more accurate.
3) If you totally disregard the facts in the other person’s opinion, your opinion will remain mistaken.
An example of “Stepping Outside Myself”:
While attending a meeting in San Francisco, a bible-phrasing attendee (BPA) sat next to me and we smiled hello. When he spoke, it was fraught with biblical phrases; something I didn’t appreciate. During a presentation, a speaker introduced the concept of “stepping outside ourselves” to actually hear the opinions of others—it was intriguing. After the meeting many of us took a long walk to a favorite local restaurant and BPA made it a point to walk next to me and talk all the way. It was then that I decided to “Step Outside of Myself” and truly listen to him. I let my mind float, devoid of thoughts and judgments—it was a calming experience. By the time we arrived at the restaurant he was done talking and asked me what I thought about his religion. I told him that I was a devout Christian until the age of 20, when I realized that I didn’t believe in it any more. He then asked me what I believed in and I said: “a universal intelligence” (which he called God) that we all tap into for guidance to lead a better life. He was intrigued and admitted that he too was losing his faith in God-based religion—we had a nice dinner and discussed philosophies the rest of the evening. By “stepping outside of myself” I allowed myself to avoid what would have been hours of religious zealot torment by actually listening without judgment to realize that the BPA was having a religious crisis and needed to hear opposing opinions. The accuracy of my religious opinions improved by realizing that even bible-thumping people also doubted the accuracy of their religious beliefs—which are based on faith and not on fact.
Dealing with Emotions During an Argument (discussion):
How to Calm YOURSELF Down if you get angry:
1) Take a deep breath and concentrate on it.
2) Ask yourself why you’re angry, but don’t rationalize it.
3) Think about how your anger affects the situation and tell yourself ”don’t be angry”.
4) If enraged—walk away!
How to Calm OTHERS Down if they get Angry:
1) Ask them to “take a deep breath” or two.
2) Clear your own mind of opinions and listen.
3) Ask them why they are angry and let them calm down.
4) If they won’t calm down, patiently wait until they calm down—if not, excuse yourself and walk away.
Bottom Line for Improving the Accuracy of Your Opinions:
1) Stay emotionally calm—you can’t learn when emotionally out of control.
2) Consider your opinion on any subject as not fully accurate.
3) Always be open to the opinions of others, especially opposing opinions, although similar opinions can contain new facts.
4) Don’t consider someone with an opposing opinion as “the enemy”, but instead as “a resource”.
5) “Step Outside Yourself” to give value to opposing opinions.
6) Discuss the similarities of your opposing opinions.
7) Use the new facts to improve the accuracy of your opinion on that subject.
I hope that this pearl on “opinions” can help you to improve the accuracy of your opinions, thus giving you more confidence in them, in yourself and in a more positive life.